The talk

- I want to squeeze my head on a toilet right now – She says over the phone.

He doesn´t get it.

- I´m sorry? What was that?

- You heard me. You are driving me crazy! I can´t stand it!

- What? What did I do?

- Get the fuck out of my head!  

- I´m sorry. I can´t avoid that since is your head. I can´t do anything about it. Can I?

- I mean… I thought I had overcome you. I had turned the page. And there you are again! First you ignore me. You don´t answer my messages, I try to talk to you, you barely look at me… I get mad, I think you much of an ass, then I realize you are a waste of time, finally I gratefully think you are nothing but a pretty face… Then, out of the sudden, you talk to me again, you are beautiful again… Interesting and… I find myself staring at your photograph, during 30 seconds, and believe me, it´s pretty much time for a person like me. I just don´t know what I must do. You don´t like me. You clearly don´t like me, so why? Why am I so… So… You see? I can´t even say it!

- What do you want me to do?

- Well, first, shut up. Let me finish! – She pauses and breathe. She is clearly upset. – Look, there´s something about you… Of course you are pretty, you have an astonishing face, but… I´ve met some pretty guys too, some of them are models, blue eyes, golden hair… I don´t feel attracted to those people. Something about you is driving me crazy!

- Ok, You said that already —

- SHUT UP!

- God, aren’t you finished yet?

- Why you? Why? I don´t understand. I want a plausible explanation! Tell me. Why you?

- You are in love with me.

- PLAUSIBLE , I said!

- Well, I´m sorry but, It is not a pathology, you are not sick. There is no reason. You won´t find a reason. You´ll die searching for a reason! Admit it! You—

- Love you? No, no I don´t love you. I don´t even know you.  I don´t even know you! See? How can I be so… Lost by someone I don´t know.

- We don´t choose.

- We? Well you didn´t choose me.

- You didn´t ask me. Did you? Do you know If I like you or not?

- I can see it. Your signs?

- Oh yea? A couple of times I didn´t answer, a couple of times I didn´t look at you. That doesn´t mean anything. Tell me you love me.

- No.

- Why?

- Because I know you don´t feel the same and I will hurt.

- You don´t know.

- I don´t want to.

- You are stubborn. You are a miserable person.

- Thank you. Very, very much. Just get out. Why did you come back? I was fine. I was happy.

- And I make you miserable.

- You make me miserable. You make me happy.  You make me hate you. You make me…

- You can´t hide it.

- I´ll turn off this phone.

- That won´t make you feel better. You know that.

- Just… Let me go. Please. Stop talking. Stop… Stop messing up with my thoughts. Stop breaking into my dreams… I feel like I need you so badly right now…

- Than just tell me. Maybe, just maybe, I might want the same as you.

- You are going to make me say it. Won´t you? Is that what you want? I´m mad. I´m angry. I´m sad. Confused and you are still there! You are cruel.  I cried. Cried a lot. That´s no big deal. At least it doesn´t look to be a big deal but, I don´t easily cry. Not for man. Not for just a guy. But I cried for you. I cried. And now I feel this is going to happen again.  Will I exist for you tomorrow? Or will I ever exist for you? Did I ever once exist for you? I don´t know. But you are still there. It´s not fair, you know. Not fair, that you make my world so messed up and I don´t mean a single drop of water into yours.

- I´m sorry.

- Don´t. I feel sorry for myself. I´m weak. I´m weak because I allowed myself to cry. I allowed myself to want you, I allowed myself fall in love for you.

- I´m so sorry.

- Yes. That´s all you got to say to me. Right? I´m sorry… Just go away.

- I won´t.  

- I know.

Camille Hughes